Resolutions for Healing

By Debbie Vallandingham, LMSW-ACSW, Bereavement Manager

Even as you face loss, the world keeps turning and time keeps ticking. It’s this time of year that it seems most noticeable.

A new year carries special symbolism as many raise a glass to toast the end of the old and the beginning of something new and exciting. At the same time, the year end is often a time of reflection and remembering those we have lost throughout the year.

History shows us that we have been celebrating the arrival of the new year for as long as 4,000 years, beginning with the ancient Babylonians. The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions is also an old one, which began during the reign of Julius Caesar. Although we no longer decorate our homes with laurel branches or celebrate like the Romans, we have made resolutions a big part of our festivities. As we move along our grief journeys, making resolutions is a tradition we should embrace, even if we have fears on what the New Year may bring.

Some resolutions worth considering are:

• Start a journal. A journal is a great place to reflect on your feelings. Keeping in mind the turning of the year, try to pay attention to hope and desire. Think about what makes you hopeful and what you would like to see for the coming year.

• Acknowledge your feelings. You are moving through your grief one step at a time. Seek to find the courage to understand and accept what you are feeling on your individual journey. 

• Learn about grief. Grief is a challenging subject and no two people grieve the same. Take the time in the next year to learn more about the process of grieving. Find a book at your local library. Attend workshops of grief and loss. Search for grief-related blogs on the internet. 

• Brush off the hurtful comments of well-intentioned people. As you grieve, you will likely interact with people who truly care about you but are awkward in their comments or are new to dealing with loss. Resolve to forgive those who are themselves uncomfortable with grief and are unsure of how to respond. 

• Join an Angela Hospice group. In 2020, Angela Hospice is adding several new support groups where you have the opportunity to talk with others and share your story throughout the year. Take a look at our 2020 Grief Support Groups calendar for more information. 

• Give back by volunteering. There is a power in grievers helping others. Whether it’s helping others who are experiencing grief or giving back to your local animal shelter, being in a position to offer the gift of your time and support can make a difference for so many people, including you. 

• Intentionally get involved in one small fun activity. Many who are lost in grief find that it’s the small things that bring them great happiness. Seek out friends who can make you laugh or share in a special moment. Look for those who bring out the best in you and join them in a movie, dinner, walking around a mall, or even watching a television show.

• Create a memory book, memory box, or memory board. Whether it’s putting together photographs in an album, crafting and collecting items for a box, or uploading images to Pinterest, the act of posting things about your loved one (food, travel, music, etc.) is a healthy resolution for the New Year.