The Twelve Tips of Holiday Grief
by Debbie Vallandingham, LMSW-ACSW
Angela Hospice Bereavement Manager
We grieve all year long, but there is something that is different at the holidays. This is a time that is
filled with memories of celebrations of old. The holidays are also known for gratitude, charity, and
giving to others. Yet, those who are grieving often feel overwhelmed by memories. They feel the
pain of loss and often feel guilty for dwelling on their emotions. Those grieving can find themselves
exhausted trying to fill the demands of cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping and decorating In grief
at this time of year, we are at risk of being lured into excess, whether it’s eating too many cookies or
feeling tired after one too many drinks.
Tackling the holidays without a plan can be difficult. But as you prepare, you should consider the Twelve Tips of Holiday Grief:
1) Everyone grieves differently. Whatever you think “normal” is – throw that out of your mind. There is no such thing as normal. You will grieve how you grieve and whatever that is, that’s right for you.
2) Decide on traditions. Decide what you are doing this year including whether to keep old traditions or adding new ones. It’s OK to change things and make new traditions. You are grieving and it will not be the same. It may be a great time to start a new tradition. But be mindful, abandoning the holidays completely may not be the best option. You don’t have to pretend that nothing happened, but you may want to allow the family to come and decorate. Perhaps you visit relatives you haven’t seen in several years. Or you go to a holiday event that you wouldn’t usually do. Make a plan and be open to the experience.
3) Share memories. A beautiful way to do this at a gathering is to make a special stocking. Have the family and friends write a special note about them. Take time to share those memories and share stories. You may learn a few things and will have an amazing keepsake at the end of the experience.
4) Get rest. Take care of yourself. Your body is going through some of the greatest stress of your life. The stress of grief is so great that you may find yourself immune compromised and at a higher risk for colds and the flu.
5) Try to incorporate exercise. Exercise has the benefit of being a good and natural defense to stress. Scientific studies show that getting exercise produces endorphins, the chemical in the brain that acts as a painkiller and promotes the ability to sleep.
6) Acknowledge that the coming days are going to be tough. The holidays are always difficult. That’s why you need to consider making a plan to help take away those stresses and anxieties.
7) Do something for your loved one. There is no need to forget your loved one. You can acknowledge the loss and, often, your family is waiting on you for direction. If you remember them by lighting a candle, dedicating a special ornament, volunteering, or any activity, it gives your grief a focus and a meaning.
8) Set realistic expectations. Don’t over-do it. You don’t have to be the same person this year. Give yourself permission to change your practices.
9) Surround yourself with people you love. Make sure you spend time with those who are your most avid supporters, those who love you and care for you.
10) If you need it, ask your family and friends for help. Don’t hesitate to call friends and family. People want to help but aren’t sure what to do. They don’t know how to help you unless you ask. You have to ask for what you want.
11) Don’t forget to seek the help of professionals if you feel you need extra support. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to talk with a counselor. If you feel overwhelmed, seek professional help.
12) Be patient; remember that you can enjoy the holidays again. Will it be the same? No, it’s never going to be the same. But it can be good. You can enjoy the holidays. It’s going to take time and you’re going through a long healing process. Take joy in small things and you will gradually enjoy more parts of the holiday.
If you're looking for more support this holiday season, or throughout the year, contact our Bereavement Team at 734.464.7810.
Angela Hospice Bereavement Manager
 |
| Debbie Vallandingham and therapy dog Piper |
Tackling the holidays without a plan can be difficult. But as you prepare, you should consider the Twelve Tips of Holiday Grief:
1) Everyone grieves differently. Whatever you think “normal” is – throw that out of your mind. There is no such thing as normal. You will grieve how you grieve and whatever that is, that’s right for you.
2) Decide on traditions. Decide what you are doing this year including whether to keep old traditions or adding new ones. It’s OK to change things and make new traditions. You are grieving and it will not be the same. It may be a great time to start a new tradition. But be mindful, abandoning the holidays completely may not be the best option. You don’t have to pretend that nothing happened, but you may want to allow the family to come and decorate. Perhaps you visit relatives you haven’t seen in several years. Or you go to a holiday event that you wouldn’t usually do. Make a plan and be open to the experience.
3) Share memories. A beautiful way to do this at a gathering is to make a special stocking. Have the family and friends write a special note about them. Take time to share those memories and share stories. You may learn a few things and will have an amazing keepsake at the end of the experience.
4) Get rest. Take care of yourself. Your body is going through some of the greatest stress of your life. The stress of grief is so great that you may find yourself immune compromised and at a higher risk for colds and the flu.
5) Try to incorporate exercise. Exercise has the benefit of being a good and natural defense to stress. Scientific studies show that getting exercise produces endorphins, the chemical in the brain that acts as a painkiller and promotes the ability to sleep.
6) Acknowledge that the coming days are going to be tough. The holidays are always difficult. That’s why you need to consider making a plan to help take away those stresses and anxieties.
7) Do something for your loved one. There is no need to forget your loved one. You can acknowledge the loss and, often, your family is waiting on you for direction. If you remember them by lighting a candle, dedicating a special ornament, volunteering, or any activity, it gives your grief a focus and a meaning.
8) Set realistic expectations. Don’t over-do it. You don’t have to be the same person this year. Give yourself permission to change your practices.
9) Surround yourself with people you love. Make sure you spend time with those who are your most avid supporters, those who love you and care for you.
10) If you need it, ask your family and friends for help. Don’t hesitate to call friends and family. People want to help but aren’t sure what to do. They don’t know how to help you unless you ask. You have to ask for what you want.
11) Don’t forget to seek the help of professionals if you feel you need extra support. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to talk with a counselor. If you feel overwhelmed, seek professional help.
12) Be patient; remember that you can enjoy the holidays again. Will it be the same? No, it’s never going to be the same. But it can be good. You can enjoy the holidays. It’s going to take time and you’re going through a long healing process. Take joy in small things and you will gradually enjoy more parts of the holiday.
If you're looking for more support this holiday season, or throughout the year, contact our Bereavement Team at 734.464.7810.
Comments
Post a Comment